Devouring a box of Triscuits ...that's not a snack.
a bag of chocolate cookies...not a snack.
an entire package of chocolates...not a snack.
and yet...i consume them easily and quickly. more, more, more. food, food, food. then i have my normal meals for the day. every chance i get to eat, i take. if i see food that isn't mine, i wait til no one is around and sneak some. it's disgusting. i will eat pure sugar from packets if nothing else is around.
don't look at the calories...it's already done, so that would just be depressing. that's how i rationalize not facing just how much i've eaten. but it shows up..boy, does it show up.
i have gained an enormous amount of weight...nearly 30 pounds since mid-July. nearly 30 pounds in less than 4 months. (note: i was 96.5 and a bit thin but still it's a LOT of weight to gain. i'm 5'1. it shows up big time)and it's due to hardcore binging.
i don't know how to say no. i don't know the feeling of hungry. i don't know the feeling of full...only the feeling of wanting more, even when i've put so much in that i can barely move.
there is no simple solution.
i just really need help.
i don't have the money for a therapist and i don't have health insurance.
i work during the time of the one overeaters anonymous meeting around here every week.
i eat so much. there's no thinking or sense involved. no moderation involved at all.
i just want to be...normal. see food normally. not be obsessed with it and eating ALL the time.
:( i don't want to gain anymore weight but most of all...
i just want to be happy and live. but i'm setting myself up for DEATH. all this crap...sugar, fat, thousands upon thousands of calories OVER what my body needs for the day?
i've grown out of my clothes...when i'm not comfortable in my clothes, i can't concentrate on anything else. also i have been doing horribly at my job because i'm so full that i can barely move.
the sensible answer is..."stop. you know these things are bad for you. you've typed out all these awful things. just stop.'
i wish i could. i know i can but i just don't let myself. i think there are a lot of psychological reasons why i've latched back onto my old awful habit of hardcore binging.
i've got to LET GO. i have got to get FREE from this...
Please, any words of advice, wisdom, and/or encouragement are appreciated.